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"The night Santa went crazyWithout stepping in reindeer guts."
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
—Weird Al Yankovic, "The Night Santa Went Crazy
"Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your assCause he's sick of shoveling snow and reindeer poo.
He's gonna kick your ass, he's gonna kick your ass
Santa's coming and he's gonna kick your ass
—The Arrogant Worms, "Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass
Amy: He knows when you are sleeping.Fry: SANTA CLAUS IS GUNNING YOU DOWN!
Prof. Farnsworth: He knows when you're on the can.
Leela: He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan!
Hermes: You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move.
Bender: You're better off dead, I'm tellin' you dude.
—Futurama, "Xmas Story"
Calvin: Do you think there's an evil Santa?Calvin: He punishes you with shirts and underwear.
Hobbes: An evil Santa??
Calvin: Yeah, like Santa's deranged twin brother, or something! He'd make toys for all the bad girls and boys! Evil Santa would give all the dangerous, annoying, and corrupting toys your parents won't allow!
Hobbes: And if you're good?
"Hey mums and dads, just smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes'Cause the old fuckin' wanker forgot me fuckin' bike!"
And don't listen to him, boys and girls, 'cause he tells fucking lies!
He's just a pisstank and a pervert and he's not even very bright
—Kevin Bloody Wilson, "Hey Santa Claus You Cunt"
"Santa's gonna sit on your lap!"—Sumo Santa, Clay Fighter 63⅓
Frosty: Your sleigh used to be powered by the screams of children?Santa: Used to be?
—Cracked's Seanbaby "Frosty the Snowman declares war on the War on Christmas". Conversation leading to this exchange not included for your mental well-being.
Minion: Y'know, you look like one of the kids I let sit on my lap once. 'Course, he was a cancer patient. Asked me if I could get rid of his cancer.Krillin: Oh, come on!
Krillin: Oh god, this is going exactly where I think it is, isn't it-
Minion: -So I blew him up! No more cancer.
Krillin: God, you are one of the worst mall Santas ever! Right behind those ones that molest kids!
Minion: ...So I'm the worst mall Santa?
—Dragon Ball Abridged - "Christmas Tree of Might"