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Wrestling has its share of awesome announcements as well.


 Michael Cole: Maybe THERE IS someone who can take out The Great Khali!

  Jim Ross: WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! BAH GAWD IT'S Rob Van Dam!

 Michael Cole: It's him! It's him! Big Daddy Cool! Kevin Nash! DIESEL!

  • Raw 15th Anniversary, huh? Cool. Starting it off with Vince McMahon saying he's the reason why Raw is so great, of course - *car crash* Hey, it's MANKIND! And he's got Mr. Socko! Yes, he put Mr. McMahon in the Mandible Claw! Alright! Vince is writhing in pain on the mat - *gong* TAKER! Sweet! Oh yeah, Chokeslam! Vince is in for a rough night - *glass shatters* Here comes Stone Cold! And he just gave McMahon a Stone Cold Stunner! Yay!
    • Alright, Howard Finkel's doing announcement? Sweet! 15 man battle royal? Cool! Doink the Clown? Awesome! IRS? Sweet! Gangrel? Whoa! Who's coming out ne - TURN IT UP! Wha? aefrngeafglgeawfrgswvgb SCOTTY 2 FREAKING HOTTY? YEAH!
    • Alright, Santino Marella. Time to laugh! Wait a minute, is that a YING YANG ON THE TITANTRON - ONE OF A KIND! ROB VAN DAM? SWEET!
    • Here comes Jillian, talking smack about Trish Stratus and--OH MY GOD! LITA'S BACK! And she and Trish HUGGED!
  • Sin Cara goes to Smackdown? Great, they'll actually give him good screen time. Wait, his first major feud is with Chavo? They're giving Chavo something to do!?! Sweet! And they're throwing in Daniel Bryan?
  • What?! Who picked Mason Ryan as Evan Bourne opponent? Wait Sin Cara is going face Evan Bourne next week on Raw!!!
  • Man... NXT Redemption has sucked all season. Thank god that it's almos-Wait! Derrick Bateman's back and is now in the final three with Daniel Bryan as his pro?!! AWESOME!!!
  • Money In The Bank 2011. The Smackdown match? Pfft, it'll obviously be Sheam... DANIEL BRYAN'S WON IT? Awesome! Randy Orton defending against Christian? Eh, Orton's the most over guy on Smackdown, there's no way... Christian won? AWESOME! Time for the Raw MITB match! The winner is...AlbertoDelRio? Yawn. Finally, John Cena defending against CM Punk? Nah, Punk's leaving, and Cena's WWE's golden boy... PUNK WINS? CLEANLY? AWESOME!!!! OH, NO, here comes Alberto to cash in-PUNK ESCAPED! AWESOME!!!!! Seriously, Money In The Bank was an enormous CMOA for many Smarks.
    • And the next Smack Down? Bryan lets everyone know when he's cashing: Wrestlemania!!! Come April 2012, the World Heavyweight Champion, whoever it is, is getting his fucking head kicked in.
  • All right, Triple H is in charge starting 7/25/11 and says people have been wanting this guy all around. Okay, let's bring out CM...wait a minute...JIM ROSS?! Cue BOOMER SOONER BABY! And of course Cole hates it so he has to fight...against ZACK RYDER?! AWESOME... for about five seconds. Here comes Cole in his TRIPLE H GEAR!!! Let's just get Cole winning over with-OH MY GOD, RYDER WON!! WOO WOO WOO!! Oh, and John Morrison's back and he's going after R-Truth's ass! And the clincher....PUNK HAS RETURNED!
    • "Yeah yeah Cena's won again. Well, maybe for Summerslam he'll get a decent...that's not Del Rio's music, I'm not an Indy fan, whose coming out? Yeeeeaaaahhhh." Best part was all Punk did was face Cena and raise the real belt to a much bigger pop.
    • And coming in on 7/29/11 things have shaped up: Triple H has assigned an assistant for Long--IT'S ZACK RYDER!!! And Sheamus has returned in being a Badass and is willing to fight Mark Henry!
  • Armageddon 2006: Okay so we have Paul London and Brian Kendrick vs. William Regal and Dave Taylor for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Standard aff--wait a minute, did Long say we're having a LADDER MATCH?! YES! And...AND THERE ARE TWO MORE TEAMS FOR A FATAL FOUR WAY? WHO ARE THEY?! Oh my god...IT'S MNM AND THE HARDYS!!!!
  • Evan Bourne is getting more face time, but hasn't really got a major push...Wait...DID HE JUST WIN THE TAG TEAM TITLES?! WITH KOFI KINGSTON?!
  • So Cody Rhodes, what do you have planned for us this time, another paper ba-Wait...is that THE CLASSIC WHITE STRAP INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP??!! HELL YESS!! Now if only they can change that ugly Cenaspinner....
  • Damn, John Laurnitis fired Jim Ross and Michael Cole mocked him too. Oh, great John Laurintis starts off the new Raw just great. Wait he brought JR and PUT HIM IN A MATCH VS MICHAEL COLE AND WHO LATER MADE HIM TAP TOO!!
  • The Muppets are going to host the Halloween Raw!? Oh my goodness!
  • Well, John Cena just beat Zack Ryder, so I guess John Laurinaitis got what he wanted- Wait, what? Cena is giving up his title shot so Ryder can have his? AWESOME!
    • Oh crap, Ryder has to fight Mark Henry in a No Disqualifications match after ALREADY facing Cena?? Laurinitis, you son of a- What. Did Cena just give an Attitude Adjustment to Henry, THEN help pull Ryder on top of him for the cover?! HOLY SH-
  • Yeah, aside from The Rock and John Cena teaming up, this year's Survivor Series is going to be a bor.......WAITAMINUTE! CM Punk brought the Howard Finkle to be his personal ring announcer?! Oh, and I'm sure Del Rio wil reta- what's this?! CM Punk is the NEW WWE CHAMPION! IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN! YES! YES! YES!
  • Ho hum. Time for the Slammys. OK, the "I did not just see that" award. The show always opens with a major angle, so it's gotta be The Mi-Jim Ross!! HE'S BACK TO KICK COLE'S ASS!! That rap off was lame, It's time for the next awa- Mick Foley! Awesome!! AND HE BROUGHT THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN?!?! YES!!!!! It's time for Pipe Bomb of the Year with....OH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW!!! ROAD DOGG!!!!!! And the winner is...CM Punk!! Man, that John Laurinaitis tribute was awesome! Up next it's the Divalicious Moment of the Ye-OH MY GOD!! IT'S Lita!!!!!!! YES, YES!!!!!!!!!! And the winner is...KellyKelly? FUCK! The next winner is Triple H! AND HE's BACK! The Trending Star of the year-with TONY ATLAS!! The Winner is...DolphZiggler? that su-WAIT, SO Zack Ryder WAS THE REAL WINNER!!! AWESOME!!!!!! Up next is...Christian! To present the award to...Cena? WHAT!! WHY NOT Edge??!?! He deserved it more than Cena. Ok, here's the A-lister of the year award-GOLDUST IS BACK, BABY!!!! And the winner, I'll be happy as long as it's not...SNOOKI WON?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Hey, she wished Zack Ryder good luck. And here comes superstar of the year with Rey Mysterio, Jr.! Yeah, we all know that thanks to the kids the winner will be John- CM PUNK, YES!!! YEEAAAAH!!!!!. Time for our main event, Mark Henry vs John Cena? Boring- *BURST OF FIRE* Wha- Is that Kane? Holy shit he just Chokeslammed Cena and... HOLY SHIT HE HAS THE MASK BACK! WAIT! HE HAS TWO MASKS!!!!
  • Awesome. We get to watch two giants beat the hell out of each other with steel chairs. Okay. Show's won the match. But Mark doesn't seem to get the point. How much longer are they going to keep this feud goin-what's that music? OH MY GOD IT'S FLIGHT OF THE FUCKING VALKYRIES!!!!!!!!!
  • Finally, Triple H is going to fire John Laurinaitis! It's about ti- *GONG* What. WHAT?! OH BAH GAWD IT'S THE UNDERTAKER! HOLY SHIT!
  • As morbid as it sounds as to celebrate a man losing his job, EXIT VINCE RUSSO, ENTER DAVE LAGANA
  • Triple H vs. the Undertaker at Wrestlemania XXVIII as a HELL IN A CELL match?!! It's not just the that rematch is taking place but after years of the watered-down matches in that specialty pay-per-view, Hell in a Cell is back to its roots as a last resort match.
  • Oh god, after much demand, we WILL be seeing CM Punk vs Chris Jericho in the main event!
  • Jack Swagger and Santino Marella for the US Championship? This is gonna be a squash ma... WHA... SANTINO WON!!?
  • Wrestlemania 28: Oh, of course John Cena's gonna win against The Rock. He's the face of the WWE and the----ROCK BOTTOM!? ONE! TWO! THREE! ROCK WINS! ROCK WINS! OH MY GOD! THE ROCK WINS!
    • Alright, "The End Of An Era" match is starting!! Wait that's not Shawn Michaels's music. It's Boomer Sooner, J.R is gonna call this MATCH!! YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!
  • April 2, 2012: Cena wants to personally congratulate Rock for his victory and we're waiting.... *GUITAR SCREECH* HOLY SHIT!!! IT'S Brock Lesnar!!!!
  • A Beat The Clock Challenge to determine the #1 Contender for CM Punk's WWE Title? Nice, who's involved? Santino Marella? The Miz? Randy Orton? Jack Swagger? Ugh... Wait. Daniel Bryan's in the tournament? DANIEL BRYAN WON? WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO SEE DANIEL BRYAN VS CM PUNK FOR THE WWE TITLE AT OVER THE LIMIT? YES! YES! YES!
  • According to his representative, Brock Lesnar "Quits" WWE. Ah, hell no! Who the fuck is that rep-- PAUL HEYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!
  • A People Power Battle Royal huh? Sounds boring... "GO!!!", wait, is that? It is!!!! Christian's back!!!!! And he won!!!! He's challenging Santino Marella for the United States Championship? FUCK!!!!! Wait, Cody Rhodes is talking to Eve and says Christian wouldn't win against him. OH SHIT CHRISTIAN WAS RIGHT BEHIND HIM AND CHALLENGES HIM FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!! CHRISTIAN'S TURNING FACE!! CHRISTIAN WON!!!!!! YES! YES! YES! YES!
  • The return of Hulk Hogan, just in time to host Wrestlemania XXX… now, that’s how who get fans onboard, BROTHER!
  • The return of the “ The Animal”… Dave’s back.
  • Wait a minute… who would challenge Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania… then, here comes the one guy who accepted it with a sound of the GONG.
  • Who’s joining the WWE Hall of Fame: Class of 2014… well, there’s Jake "The Snake" Roberts, Ultimate Warrior, Paul Bearer, Lita, Carlos Colón, Razor Ramon, and someone would’ve pity the fool who didn’t think about Mr. T.

Notes

  1. To explain, this guy had a torn muscle three months before the Royal Rumble. He was medically cleared and WWE didn't drop the word that he was going to make it to the match, much less Number 30.
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