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- Crowning Moment of Funny - when Fat Charlie meets the Dragon:
"I am frightened of nothing.
"Are you extremely frightened of nothing?"
"Absolutely terrified of it."
"I have nothing in my pockets. Would you like to see it?"
"No. No, I most definitely would not."
- "Daisy looked up at him with the kind of expression that Jesus might have given someone who had just explained that he was probably allergic to bread and fishes, so could He possibly do him a quick chicken salad..."
- That image just cracks me up. xD
- "Fat Charlie wondered what Rosie's mother would usually hear in a church. Probably just cries of 'Back! Foul beast of Hell!' followed by gasps of 'Is it alive?' and a nervous inquiry as to whether anybody had remembered to bring the stakes and hammers."
- Mr Nancy's manner of death. Nose first into a blonde tourists cleavage.
- The swimming pool scene
- The darkly funny footnote at the start of Chapter Eight that talks about Spider's own experience with a barrel of monkeys.
Several years earlier Spider had actually been tremendously disappointed by a barrelful of monkeys. It had done nothing he had considered particularly entertaining, apart from emit interesting noises, and eventually, once the noises had stopped and the monkeys were no longer doing anything at all - except possibly on an organic level - had needed to be disposed of in the dead of night.
- Fat Charlie on being arrested:
Thanks to your efforts, all my neighbours think I'm a Yardie hitman and avoid, except for the man who runs the cornershop and wants me to teach the boy who knocked up his daughter a lesson. He gave me a free packet of Cheese & Onion crisps and a packet of Polo mints with the promise of more 'once I had done the job'.