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- The hilarious aversion of Hollywood Sex between Carolyn and Buddy Kane. "Fuck me, Your Majesty!"
- "Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus."
- "Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's!"
- Lester's Big "Shut Up!" moment, in which he throws his plate at the wall, chews out his wife and daughter, and then criticizes the choice of dinner music.
- Lester's Crowning Moment of Funny when he discusses with his boss whether he should keep his job or not.
- Janie's response to being asked about her day, "No, Dad. It was spectacular. Thora Birch's utterly deadpan delivery makes me laugh every time I see that moment.
- This moment:
Brad Dupree: (reading Lester's job description) "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell." Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself.
Lester Burnham: Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.
- Lester on his new Firebird: "The car I've always wanted, and now I have it. I rule!" (first pump)