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After Hours was a Web Original comedy miniseries produced by Cracked, usually taking place in a diner after the Cracked.com workday has ended. Starring Katie Willert, Soren Bowie, Daniel O'Brien and Michael Swaim as themselves (though exaggerated versions of themselves), the series main source of humor is the characters discussing and deconstructing various aspects of both modern and nostalgic pop culture.
The series was (nominally) monthly and ran from July 2010 to December 2017 before being cancelled as part of the parent company of Cracked, The E. W. Scripps Company, laying off the entire video staff.
It can be found here.
- A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Read: The reason why mind-reading is panned as the ultimate superpower.
Katie: I mean, I only get to hear like three percent of what people are thinking and I already hate almost everyone. If I could read minds, I'd probably just end up knocking motherfuckers out.
- Accidental Truth: Michael implying Forrest Gump is racist. He hadn't even seen it when he made the accusation.
- All for Nothing: As the group lampshades at the end of the first Simpsons episode, every point they raised was contradicted by a later episode meaning the score is tied at 0 for everyone.
- All Male Androids Are Perverts: Michael brings up sex considerably more often than Soren or Dan.
- Alternate Character Interpretation: The point of the series. Examples include:
- Declaring Marty McFly's mother Lorraine to be a hardcore sadist who can only orgasm when danger is involved.
Katie: First we learn that Lorraine is like a danger-slut. She only falls for George in the first place because he's injured, and then in the alternate past, Marty gets injured and she falls for him.
Soren: That's the basic plot of the movie, yeah.
Katie (to Soren: Why don't you just admit that Batman is a violent, maladjusted sociopath who's using his parents' death as an excuse to work out his aggression!?
Soren: She invaded a kingdom, stole his property, and destroyed Jabba. She's a terrorist.
- The group eventually comes to the conclusion that Mr. Belding had an obsession with Zack Morris and killed his girlfriends.
- Mr. Feeny was stalking Cory all throughout his education.
- Scar is trying to feed the starving hyena masses and Gaston is rescuing Belle from both an abusive beast and Stockholm Syndrome.
- The Federation is marxist state that buts into other planets out of sheer boredom.
- Captain America is uneducated and gay for Bucky to the point of violating several international laws and putting many people (both civilians and Avengers) in danger to hold onto him while being wilfully ignorant of hard truths.
- Ambiguously Bi: Soren. He talks at length about his female conquests and has made out with Katie but has very odd moments with Michael and Daniel.
- Asperger Syndrome: Michael, in true Cloudcuckoolander form, assumes that everyone has Asperger's in the Batman episode for literally no reason whatsoever. He tries to 'verify' their Asperger's by tossing a random number of coffee sweeteners to the floor of the diner or onto the table and demanding that his victim (in order: Dan, Katie, and Soren) tell him how many he threw. In The Stinger, editor Cody Johnston shows up in a cameo and demands of Katie and Soren (who just had a Slap Slap Kiss moment) who put 31 sugar packs on the floor.
- Awesome McCoolname:
- Soren is apparently named after Sauron.
- Averted for Captain America. The video description says "Steve" is not a cool name.
- Aw, Look -- They Really Do Love Each Other: Michael and Katie. Despite their history, his obnoxiousness and her standoffishness, she (visibly) finds his antics and sense of humor occasionally adorable, and he seems to go out of his way to entertain (and annoy; almost alternating between the two) her.
- Bad Boss: The unseen Jack. He makes Soren give him five dollars every week and calls Katie "Candace".
- Barbie Doll Anatomy: Mike uses this as a point against Bowser.
Dan: He's an ugly rage monster.
Michael: No genitals!
Soren': The winner of this conversation will be the first person to say 'Batman's the best' and 'You're an idiot.'
Mike: Batman's the best! A-
Soren (deadpan): You're an idiot, I already said it. I've already won, or Batmanned, this conversation.
- Become Their Own Antithesis: Dan is a clear Captain America fanboy but ultimately ends up providing the best arguments for why Cap is a discredit to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. He goes on an impressive speech of logical connections that ends with him declaring that Thaddeus Ross was right in Civil War. Ends with a My God, What Have I Done? moment for the poor nerd.
- Belligerent Sexual Tension: Katie and Soren have this in spades in the "Why Batman is Secretly Terrible for Gotham" episode. However, after they both snap and make out for a few seconds, things quickly go back to normal. Also with Michael. They dated and had sex at least once. Mike refuses to let her forget it.
- Berserk Button: The live-action Mario movie is a big one for Dan.
Katie: He (Bowser) was a T-Rex in...(realizes what she just said, looks horrified) nothing! (Soren and Mike look shocked, Dan goes berserk).
Dan: IN THE MOTHERFUCKING 1993 LIVE-ACTION MOVIE?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE GONNA SAY?!?!
Katie: I'm sorry, I forgot myself (hangs head in shame).
Mike: He's just mad because they made Toad a goomba (rolls eyes).
Dan: I'm mad because it SUCKED and it's inadmissible evidence in this conversation.
- Black Comedy Rape: Michael greedily threatening to rape Christopher Columbus in If You Could Have Dinner (And Sex) With Any Famous Figure. Including a diagram of a Rube Goldberg-style Rape Machine that would take days to work.
- Butt Monkey: Daniel who either takes it in stride or is long since resigned to the role. In Why Movie Cops Are Terrible At Their Jobs, he's the one who's been hypothetically, (but deservedly) brutally murdered.
Soren: You've all been zombies for weeks, (points at Dan) months for some of you.
- Call Back: In the Cereal Mascots episode, Michael does an impression of Count Chocula. He later dresses as Count Chocula in the Halloween episode.
- Also, in the Mario episode.
Michael (to Soren): All of the stuff you said about Batman (flashback of Soren angrily defending Batman to Katie plays), man, but now, about THIS!
- Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Discussed in Six Creepiest Sitcom Characters with everyone coming up for reasons why Judy Winslow and all of Zack's girlfriends disappeared. They eventually decided that Carl and Principal Belding murdered them all.
- Comedic Sociopathy: Again, Michael, and again, so, so very much.
Soren: Dan, I'm a survivor. I play to win. I can't risk your slowing me down, or you (to Katie) falling in love with me, or you (to Michael) trying to trade me to the zombies in exchange for leniency.
Mike: I was just thinking that exact thing.
- Another example:
Katie: Oh my god, don't even get me started on Forrest Gump! You wanna talk about a creepy rape scene?
Soren, Dan: No, no.
Mike: Yeah, alright.
- Cloudcuckoolander: And yet again, Michael. And, yet again, so, so very much.
Katie: Gordon and Batman both work hard to help the world. But only one of them has to file paperwork and obey the system, while the other one gets to expense smoke bombs and plow Catwoman, and it has nothing to do with who worked harder!
Michael: Whaaat? You guys don't expense smoke bombs? How (falters under castmates' looks of derision)...how are you paying for your smoke bombs?
- The guy eats hot dogs with chocolate sauce. Doesn't get any weirder than that.
- The Cameo: Cody Johnston, one of Cracked's top editors, appears as a waiter in the opening episode. He appears again in the same role in the next season. When the group has changed diners.
- Closet Geek: Soren. He changed out of his Comic Con costume before meeting up with the others because he's not "out" yet.
- The Cloud Cuckoolander Was Right: In the episode discussing alternate universes and dimensions, Soren appears very sick and is completely out of the loop regarding how everything works. Katie thinks he's just sick while Micheal thinks he's from a parallel universe. In The Stinger, Katie and Micheal take Bizarro!Soren to a hospital just before the real Soren arrives via teleport to try and find his alternate self.
- Crazy Prepared. Katie and Soren in the Mario episode.
Michael: Jesus, they are spending a lot of time in the jump-man era.
Dan: They came a lot more prepared that I thought they would. I told you we should have had cards!
Michael: Fuck your cards.
Katie: (Begins reading from note cards).
- Soren carries around a boombox in case he needs to give a great romantic speech.
- On the off-chance that they'd discuss Harry Potter again, Dan watched all the films and read all the books.
- Crippling Overspecialization: Katie's opinion of Hogwarts as it just teaches magic. No science, math, politics or history.
- Critical Research Failure:
- Which Apocalypse Would Be The Most Fun?:
- For starters, Dan didn't realize that cars need to have their oil changed.
- Micheal then says every apocalypse (bar Waterworld) is guilty of this because everyone in the show/movie is trying to recapture a long gone way of life.
- Micheal accuses the writing staff on The Simpsons of this noting that they seem to think "Scoey" is a stereotypical black guy name.
- Soren accuses Team Cap of this in Civil War. Not only did they lack the skills to do a stake out with just one person, they failed to stop a truck from crashing into a gate and somehow didn't notice the Accords being agreed to by virtually every world government.
- Which Apocalypse Would Be The Most Fun?:
- Depraved Bisexual: Michael though he seems to prefer women.
- Didn't Think This Through: Daniel says that the best apocalypse would be The Twilight Zone ones where someone is left alone on an abandoned Earth. As a nerd, his status quo wouldn't change all that much, there'd certainly be enough food and supplies for him to last. Soren then points out that being the last man means there's no new pop culture coming out.
- Disposable Girlfriend: Pauline, Mario's girlfriend in Donkey Kong.
Soren: The first time that we meet Mario in Donkey Kong, what's he doing?
Dan: Jumping over barrels and fighting a giant monkey.
Michael: To save Peach! So that they can share delicious ape steak.
Soren: No. Because Peach wasn't in Donkey Kong. The girl in the cage was only introduced as Pauline, his girlfriend.
Katie: Oh, and then when he's done saving her, he either cheats on her or dumps her and moves on to save Peach!
- Double Entendre: Katie has a subtle one.
Katie: Okay, I will concede that ninja turtle selection is seminal to young boys..
- Dumbass Has a Point: The Star Wars episode. Mike, of all people, points out how, other than Leia, there are no female role models in the original movies. Katie and Soren both grudgingly agree that his apocalypse is the best, eventually forcing Dan to go along. Katie's analysis of the four ninja turtles as each representing one of the four humors lends credence to Michael's theory that your favorite ninja turtle reflects your personality. Michael has this more frequently than the others, especially Dan, would like to admit.
- The End of the World as We Know It: The Which Apocalypse Would Be the Most Fun? episode. The winner? An asteroid that is without a doubt going to destroy Earth. The reason? Everyone Has Lots of Sex, of course!
Michael: No one's running, no one's fighting 'cause there's nowhere to go, and nowhere to hide. So what do we do? Bone.
- Even the Guys Want Him: Daniel is unrepentant about his lust for Benjamin Franklin in If You Could Have Dinner (And Sex) With Any Famous Figure.
- Expanded Universe: Mike mocks Dan for his knowledge of Star Wars' extended universe and forbids all EU material from their discussion of how Star Wars is terrifying for women.
- Expy: In keeping with Seinfeldian Conversation, Soren is a Born Lucky everyman, Daniel is a bespectacled Butt Monkey, Katies is One of the Boys, and Michael is an Idiot Houdini Casanova.
- Fanon Discontinuity: Enforced in the Mario episode, where Katie brings up the live action movie, to the chagrin of Dan, Michael and Soren.
Katie: I'm sorry, I forgot myself.
- For Want of a Nail: In The Terrifying Truth About Doc Brown, the group theorize that Marty running around led to the Zeerust 2015 because he somehow made the '80s the most important decade of that universe.
- Four-Temperament Ensemble: Discussed in the Which Teenage Mutant Turtle Would You Want To Be? episode.
- Fridge Horror: Another staple of the show.
- A good example of this is the gang naming Ferris Bueller's high school as the worst '80s high school of all time.
DOB: You go to a high school that comes to a grinding halt the minute one kid calls in sick. At best, it's a benevolent dictatorship. At worst, it's frigging Jonestown, except your cult leader is a seventeen-year-old who dresses like a lesbian.
- Lots and lots of examples from the 4 Ads That Depict Terrifying Alternate Realities, like how in feminine product commercials all women seem to secrete windshield wiper fluid instead of y'know, blood.
- Also inverts fridge horror, of all things.
"...do you realize what you just did? You've actually made horror... boring."
- Funny Background Event:
- In Why Mario is Secretly a Douchebag their waitress looks like Peach and a guy who looks like Mario is working the grill.
- In the Captain America one, Micheal is leading an increasingly elaborate "USA!" chant complete with flags and cheerleaders.
- Genius Ditz: Micheal once again.
- He manages to completely ruin Forrest Gump with very in-depth arguments despite only having seen the film once.
- In Why Movie Cops Suck At Their Jobs, he wins the argument by saying the best movie cops are the ones that aren't featured in police/action/superhero films. They're doing their jobs so smoothly that you don't even have to think about them.
- Genre Savvy: Daniel didn't bring any ideas in The Only 8 Types of TV Shows That Get Made. He knew they'd just end up discussing some other pop culture topic.
- Getting Hot in Here: Katie takes off her jacket, revealing tank top and bra straps, and then her glasses when her argument with Soren about Batman gets really intense, leaving Michael bemused and Dan terrified. When Soren finally gives up, they release some of their Belligerent Sexual Tension with a kiss.
- Harsher in Hindsight: The whole point of How to Ruin Your Favorite Sitcoms with Math.
- Heh, Heh, You Said "X": Michael in the bathroom with Dan and Soren.
Soren (trying to pee): Dan, I really don't want to talk about here.
Dan (pacing back and forth behind Soren): What, did General Mills do a bunch of studies to demonstrate what kids are gonna respond to? And if they did do polls-
Michael (from the adjacent stall, magazine covering genitals): HA! "They did polls!"
Michael: Hey, if Dan's Goldblum, does that make me Will Smith?
Dan: No, Soren is Will Smith. You're Randy Quaid.
Michael: That's distasteful.
Katie (to Michael): If you make me the alien, I will punch you in the throat.
Michael (considering): There's a stripper in that movie.
Dan: There it is! You're the stripper. (Katie facepalms)
Katie: I've never been a stripper! Why w-
Soren: Yeah, I think she's the wife of Will Smith in that, so you're not doing too bad.
Katie: She's a stripper.
Dan: She's still a stripper.
- I Resemble That Remark: In the Friends episode, Dan has made "Pro and Con" lists about everyone to which Katie, upon being informed that she has a shrill voice, asks in a very shrill voice "SHRILL?!". Michael is later offended to discover he's "Handsy Mc Sacgrab" that Dan mentioned in a column.
- In the same episode, Dan points out that Rachel asks her customers for advances on her tips so she can go on her skiing vacation before saying that's not how businesses work and scaring away the waitress dressed in ski gear.
- Idiot Houdini: Nick Fury according to 6 Movies Whose Timelines Don't Add Up. He tried to recruit Tony years before there was any actual need for the Avengers and the four theorize that, as opposed to being The Chessmaster/a Manipulative Bastard, he was just spewing forth tons of ideas and the Avengers initiative just happened to work out.
- I'll Be in My Bunk: Michael pulls this in the Ninja Turtles episode. He feels the need to drop everything and run to Blockbuster once somebody clues him in about "pseudo-porn for women" (also known as Sex and the City).
Dan: Well, he's in for a disappointing evening.
Dan: So it's really porn for women?
Soren: It's pseudo-porn. It's not what you think. It's just a bunch of people in boring situations where sometimes nudity happens.
Dan: I'm not gonna lie. That sounds amazing.
- Insistent Terminology: Michael, again.
Katie: Why does Bowser keep coming back game after game? He rallies enough troops-
Katie: (Gives Michael a Death Glare) to create armies-
Mike: Armoopas! (gives a 'Did I not just make this clear?' shrug to Soren and Dan).
- Late Arrival Spoiler: After Soren claims he's glad Dumbledore died, a patron revealed to be reading The Half-Blood Prince says "Oh come on!" before leaving. As Soren points out, the book came out in 2005. The movie had already come out when the episode was released!
- Make It Look Like an Accident: When Micheal burned down the first diner.
- Major Minor Inconvenience: Discussed at length in 4 Ads That Depict Terrifying Alternate Realities.
- Meganekko: Katie.
- Mr. Fanservice: Soren.
Michael: You have to cull your booty call list?
Soren: *grinning* It's actually more of a booty base. *winks at a waitress*
- Ms. Fanservice: Katie, somewhat. In the Comic-Con and Halloween episodes, she wears low-cut cleavage-bearing costumes. This is lampshaded in the opening title sequence, featuring four different depictions of the group, one from the mind of each cast member. In Michael's, she wears a stripperific dress and heels (seen in the page picture, an amalgam of the four versions), and in Soren's she wears a slinky dress. In Katie's, on the other hand, she's a bitter-looking spinster, and in Dan's she's a nun.
- N-Word Privileges: In Katie's mind, only women can say "woman".
- Named After Somebody Famous: Soren and his siblings are all named after The Lord of the Rings characters.
- Noodle Incident: Michael and Katie's first date. Also the time they had sex.
- Also, Michael's Bio-Dome Theorem.
- Noodle Implements: Michael and Katie's lone (possibly) sexual encounter occurred in a bowling alley. Their first date happened after Mike allegedly won the Indy 500, and an allegedly retarded Katie showing up at Mike's dorm room. Obviously, due to Mike's incredible comedic sociopathy, it is likely none of this is true, with the possible exception of sex in a bowling alley, if only because it's actually (somewhat) plausible (not to mention in keeping with Mike's complete monstrosity) and Katie doesn't state otherwise. Still, Katie was more occupied telling Soren and Dan they only had sex once, because Mike referred to the bowling alley as 'the last place we had sex.'
- Odd Friendship: Jockish, handsome, sometimes dim Soren and nerdy, unlucky Dan seem to be the closest out of the group of four.
- Our Zombies Are Different: Aversion stipulated to in their discussion of the merits of a Zombie Apocalypse as a doomsday scenario.
Waitress: Doesn't that kinda depend on what kind of zombies you're talking about? (loud, collective groan)
Soren: There's only one type of zombie.
Waitress: No, I mean if you're talking about the 28 Days Later type of zombie-
Dan and Soren: The slow, mindless, disorganized zombies. (Katie and Michael imitate Romero zombies).
Waitress: There's a lot of other-
Dan: OKAY! If you're going to get into every Tom, Dick and rage virus reimagining, we will be here all night. Romero zombies are the only zombies. We literally cannot advance this conversation otherwise. (waitress looks enormously hurt, leaves).
Michael: And you've driven another woman away from us.
- Pop Cultural Osmosis Failure: Despite the series and his job, it apparently took a while for Dan to get into Harry Potter.
- Power-Up Food: What Michael thought Bowser planned for Peach.
Mike: Are you sure he loves her? I thought he was going to devour her Peach flesh, to get...princess powers, or something.
Dan: No, he does love her. They say as much in Super Mario Sunshine.
- Progressively Prettier: Katie starts showing more skin as the series has gone on.
- Protagonist Centred Morality: Raised in the discussion of Ferris Bueller's Day Off; when everyone challenges Dan when he claims it's the worst high school in 1980s movies, he points out that they're assuming it'd be great because they're also assuming they'd be Ferris instead of one of the minor characters.
- The Quisling: Michael gleefully admits that, if a Zombie Apocalypse occurred, he would trade his friends to the zombies in exchange for his own life.
- Reed Richards Is Useless:
- Katie's stance on Batman/Bruce Wayne. With what a Crapsack World Gotham City is, Bruce Wayne could be doing a lot more good than Batman, such as funding charities or even rebuilding that train that he broke. As she says, if Bruce did that, he would reduce crime a lot more than Batman would.
- Discussed in Why Captain America is the Worst Avenger. with regards to Tony Stark in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Tony isn't useless given his engineering skills and wealth but Steve wastes Tony's talent by insisting on doing things the old fashioned way.
- Required Secondary Powers: Discussed in a debate about the best single superpower.
Soren: That's the problem with any one power. Without the whole suite, they just suck.
- Running Gag: Michael accusing the others of having aspergers in the Batman episode.
- Seinfeldian Conversation: The show revolves around this trope. The live show even lampshades it saying that the four have unusually well thought out conversations.
- Self-Deprecation: Whenever one of the four writes the episode, the flaws of their characters are pumped up. If the real Soren is writing, then the character is a Dumb Jock Know-Nothing Know-It-All. If the real Micheal is writing, the character is a pure Cloudcuckoolander who contributes almost nothing to the conversation. If the real Katie is writing, the character is a Straw Feminist with a shrill voice and short temper. If the real Dan is writing, the character is universally despised and crapped on for shits and giggles.
- Sex Bot: Dan had one, kinda.
Michael: Dan, you like Donatello because he's a nerd and is open to sex with electronics.
Dan: First of all, 'does machines' is not literal. Second of all, it was a foot massager that I got for my birthday, and I told you all of that a thousand times.
Soren: And not one of us ever asked.
- Shared Universe: All of Pixar's films take place in one.
- In If You Could Have Dinner (And Sex) With Any Famous Figure, Michael briefly mistakes Mary Todd Lincoln's name for Martha Jones Lincoln.
- The "Robot spider!" aside in "Why the Scariest Sci-Fi Robot Uprising Has Already Begun" has a conference room full of robots given their thumbs up - including EDI.
- To stop himself from saying "Voldemort", Michael says "Valmont Snake-Face."
- Shipper on Deck: Michael and Soren are on Team Jacob.
- Stalker Without a Crush: In The 6 Most Unintentionally Creepy Sitcom Characters, the gang realize that a waiter (played by Cracked editor Cody Johnston) has followed them to their new dinner and he all but says he's this trope.
- Stupid Sexy Flanders: Benjamin Franklin, according to Dan, was a Pimp!
- Spider-Man is very seductive.
- Supporting Protagonist: Discussed where the Deuteragonist of films is always more popular than the Protagonist such as Jack Sparrow being more popular than Will Turner, the Autobots being more popular than Sam Witwicky or Han Solo being more popular than Luke Skywalker.
- Time Stop: Declared to be the ultimate superpower in The Best Superpower (is Not What You Think). Specifically, the Zack Morris "Time Out" from Saved by the Bell.
- Then Let Me Be Evil: At first, Daniel is insistent on saying Captain America is a good hero. However when presented with serious evidence of flaws in Captain America's MO, he dives right in to deconstructing him.
- They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot: The whole point of Movie Epilogues That Deserved Their Own Film.
- They Wasted a Perfectly Good Sandwich: In the Pixar episode, the group destroys each other's food for no reason at all.
- Too Incompetent to Operate a Blanket: Discussed, where the group discusses how one would probably become the smartest person in the world in the world of infomercials.
- Ubermensch: Soren seems to view himself as one as he hates weakness, views the working class as invisible, is very attractive, and seems almost physically incapable of failing.
- Unfortunate Implications: Dan views Back to The Future as having these for black history, specifically the civil rights movement and rock music.
Dan: Marty gave this random black guy the push he needed to succeed in 1955, the year the civil rights movement started.
Katie (bewildered): Okay...so you're saying...?
Michael: Black people invented hoverboards!
Dan: Close. I'm saying I wouldn't be surprised if the original rough draft of Back to the Future was Marty time-traveling and crafting black history. (Gives examples).
Michael: I would watch that movie.
Dan: All I'm saying is that Marty influences history in exactly two ways, not related to parental boning. One, he gives black people the idea for rock music. And two, he gives a black guy political aspirations the year the civil rights movement started.
Katie (conceding): Okay...
Michael: Huh. Why do you know what year the civil rights movement started?
Dan: Why do you not?!
- Villain Has a Point:
- The point of 4 Disney Movie Villains Who Were Right All Along. Never Trust a Title as of the four villains mentioned; Jafar, Ursula, Scar, and Gaston; they decide that only Gaston had any sort of point.
- Daniel eventually convinces himself that Ross was right in Civil War on account of how incompetent Cap is.
- As part of his Ubermensch attitudes, Soren is very sympathetic to Magneto's cause.
- Victim Falls For Rapist: Bowser expects it to happen.
Dan: You do realize that he kidnaps Princess Peach, right?
Soren: Yeah, because he's in love with her.
Dan: Yeah, and we have a word for people who force their love on someone against their will. Its a...crime word.
- Why Don't Ya Just Shoot Him: Voldemort.
Soren: Wizards are supernatural. What good's a Muggle gonna do?
Mike: There's a bunch of us, and we have helicarriers and assault rifles. We killed Hitler, Hussein, and Houdini. You think we can't nuke "Volter-man" into next week?
Katie: He has limitless dark power!
Mike: That he has to aim through a wand. We can shoot people with a thousand rockets. From space. With iPhones.
- What If: Dan compares Leia going to Tatooine to save Han to George Washington abandoning his troops to rescue Martha during the Revolutionary War.
- Wild Mass Guessing: Michael forces Soren and Dan to do this at the beginning of the Star Wars episode.
Dan: The logistics of warp speed.
Soren: The tactical stupidity of putting your base on a monster-filled ice planet.
Dan: Lando Calrissian as an ideal version of Machiavelli's Prince.
Michael: No to both.
Katie (sitting down): Okay...something about Star Wars.
Dan (ignoring Katie): Jawas as a metaphor for the Armenian Genocide...somehow.
Michael: No, but that's a good idea.
Dan: No, it's not.
Soren: If it's possible to have sex with someone across the room using only The Force.
Dan: Sub-question; is that technically cheating if you're in a relationship when it happens.
Soren (responding to sub-question): No.
Katie: Okay, so what specifically-
Dan: Michael wants to talk about Star Wars but he's making us guess the exact aspect. How improbable it is that Imperial crewmembers have British accents.
Michael (with a flourish): Nay!
Soren: Something about how Chewie can fly a ship like a man but doesn't have to wear pants like an an animal.
Michael: (Gives a long, loud imitation of Wookiee language).
Soren: That was a 'no.'
Dan: That was a 'no.'
Michael: Okay, I'll give you a hint: my wiener is-
Katie: Oh! Women!
Michael: Nailed it.
Katie: So he loves her, but he just doesn't know how to express it! He's like a very competent Lenny from Of Mice and Men.
Mike: Except covered in spikes! (Michael's brain shows a weeping George loading a revolver behind Bowser, on whose spikes are impaled a bird, a dog, Curley's wife, and a bag of chips.)
- Yaoi Fan: Soren of all people, but when Dan brings up Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Michael says he "would be Sloan", Soren imagines Cameron about to make-out with Swaim.
- Zombie Apocalypse: Soren's preferred doomsday scenario.
Soren: It's simple. They're just an easily defeated opponent. They're a worse version of normal people.
Michael: Who you also dominate.