"The Reason You Suck" Speech/Western Animation

---

• Justice League Crisis On Two Earths. Batman serves one to Smug Snake Owlman after his giggling Not So Different proclamations as a Pre-Mortem One-Liner:

Batman: There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back at us, you blinked.

• In the end of Max Fleischers Gullivers Travels, Gulliver does this to the dueling kingdoms after Prince David is apparently killed saving Gulliver from being shot, but it ends on a high note:

Poor foolish little people, look what you've done. Now go ahead, break your nutshell heads over your song. But did you have to break Glory's heart, King Little? Because you were thoughtless and selfish...and you, Bombo, oh mighty warrior...what have you won? You were too stubborn to think. Too busy quarreling to land dear to the harmony that might have been yours. But now in your sorrow and despair, perhaps you'll listen to your songs as they might be sung. (cue "Faithful Forever").

• The Peanuts special Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown has one from (quite surprisingly) Schroeder. On the morning after Valentine's Day, Charlie Brown's female classmates approach him, explain that they feel bad he didn't get a single valentine card, and offer him one of their own cards with the original name scratched off and his penciled in. Seeing this, an outraged Schroeder tears into them for their hypocritical gesture:

Schroeder: Hold on there! What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are? Where were you yesterday, when everyone else was giving out valentines? Is kindness and thoughtfulness something you can make retroactive? Don't you think he has any feelings? You and your friends are the most thoughtless bunch I've ever known! You don't care anything about Charlie Brown, you just hate to feel guilty! And now you have the nerve to come around one day later and offer him a used valentine, just to ease your conscience! Well, let me tell you something! Charlie Brown doesn't need your... Charlie Brown (shoving him aside): Don't listen to him! I'll take it!

• • That was an adaptation from a famous strip.
  • It's not totally surprising if you know that not only is Schroeder among the characters that treats Chuck like a Butt Monkey the least, he gave a similar speech in Charlie Brown's All-Stars.
  • It was actually Linus that said the similar speech in "Charlie Brown's All-Stars".
    • Although Schroeder did back Linus up.
• Clay's rant about how much his son sucks (which was really misplaced, confused self-loathing) marks the climax of Moral Orel. It's so long it actually takes up the better part of two episodes. With the image of his father now shattered, Orel turns it right back at him by calling him a bad father.
  • Later in the show, Clay gives another one to Doctor Potterswheel. Ironically, Clay could have also been talking about himself in that speech.
• Justice League subverts this one brilliantly. An insane Lex Luthor, having been elected to President of the United States, is threatening nuclear apocalypse. Superman and Lex are at an impasse, with Lex's finger on the trigger:

Luthor: No, you need me. You wouldn't be much of a hero without a villain, and you do love being a hero, don't you? The cheering children, the swooning women -- you love it so much, it's made you my most reliable accomplice! Superman: Accomplice? What are you -- Luthor: You could've crushed me anytime you wanted! And it wasn't the law or the will of the people that stopped you; it was your ego. Being a hero was too important to you. You're as much responsible for this as I am! So, go ahead, fix it somehow--put me on trial, lock me up--but I'll beat it. And then we'll start the whole thing all over again! Superman: ...You're right. I did love being a hero. But if this is where it leads, I'm done with it. (And then he incinerates Luthor with heat vision. Good thing that wasn't our Superman.)

• • However, during season 2 of Justice League Unlimited, he was very close to being his Justice Lord counterpart. He even wished he was like him. But ultimately (and fortunately), he just couldn't go through with it.

Superman: I'm not the man who killed President Luthor. Right now, I wish to heaven that I were, but I'm not.

• • His cousin had one of her own:

Supergirl: You know what? No matter how bad you beat me, I'm real, not a clone. Galatea: Shut up. Supergirl: Deep down you know the truth... you're not a person. You're just a weapon! Grown out of one of Hamilton's petri dishes!

• Another DCAU example occurs in Batman Beyond Return of the Joker, when the Joker discovers Batman's true identity and dismisses him as "a little boy in a playsuit crying for mommy and daddy." Fifty years later, the Joker gets a brutal taste of his own medicine when Terry McGinnis (the new Batman) does the exact same thing to him, pointing out to the Joker that he was never all that funny to begin with and laughing at him until the Joker flies into a rage and begins trying to strangle him. Unfortunately, the Joker's so blinded by his anger that he doesn't realize that Batman's about to zap him with one of his own electrified joybuzzers ...
  • The "mommy and daddy" line gets an Ironic Echo of sorts in the considerably more light-hearted Batman the Brave And The Bold (Paul Dini did write both screenplays, mind you):

Bat-Mite: To be sure, this is a lighter incarnation, but it's certainly no less valid and true to the character's roots as the tortured avenger crying out for mommy and daddy.

• • Bruce did this to Ra's Al Gul. He did this while tied up and on the verge of being body snatched by Ra's.

Bruce Wayne: Sure Ra's, why not? Anything to hold off the Grim Reaper a few more seconds. I take it back. You don't cheat death. You whimper in fear of it! Ra's: SILENCE! [slaps Bruce] Bruce: And you hit like a girl.

• • • That last line is made funnier because Ra's has already body-snatched his own daughter to avoid dying.
• Aladdin: The Return of Jafar has a The Reason You Suck Music Number, "You're Only Second-Rate".
  • Likewise, the first movie has Jafar performing a Villain Song version of "Prince Ali" as he uses his powers to reveal Aladdin for who he really is. See it here.
  • Aladdin gets one of these from Mozenrath as well.

Mozenrath: The magic of a genie was handed to you on a silver platter, but I gave my right hand for power! To wear the gauntlet is painful... but it's worth it! Worth it to destroy the likes of you!

• Transformers Cybertron: Optimus Prime gives one to Galvatron, shortly before they make their final clash and Optimus runs him through.

Optimus: You will always lose, Galvatron. You think of nothing but destruction. None of your victories last. You care about nothing but yourself. No-one cares about you. The time has come to end your struggle.

• Transformers Animated: Bulkhead delivers one to Wasp in "Where Is Thy Sting."

Bulkhead: No Wasp... You were always mean to me and Bumblebee. You may not be a traitor ... but you were never a good bot.

• The Tiny Toon Adventures episode "Prom-ise Her Anything has Montana Max giving one of these to Elmyra (see the quote page) and then receiving an almost identical one from Dizzy Devil's date when he tries to hit on her a few minutes later.
  • In Tiny Toon Adventures How I Spent My Vacation, Fifi La Fume desperately tries to get an autograph from her favorite movie star skunk Johnny Pew. After waiting on him countless times (especially since we don't see much of her with Johnny), Fifi sees Johnny's true colors when a voluptuous pink skunk named Bimbette randomly comes along and asks for his autograph. Johnny snatches Fifi's photo that Fifi was intending to get his autograph on, writes on it, and gives it away to Bimbette, and a furious Fifi lays quite a memorable, though relatively short, Reason You Suck Speech on him, which somewhat doubles as Fifi's Crowning Moment of Awesome:

Fifi: That was my photograph! I cannot believe you! Johnny: Yeah, well, I am pretty unbelievable. Fifi: You are nothing but a selfish, worthless waste of skunk! You, monsieur Pew, STINK!

• In the Family Guy episode "Jerome is the New Black," Quagmire gives a spectacular one to Brian, who has spent the entire episode trying to be his friend. It helps that the points he makes are quite valid as they were based on complaints viewers had been making about Brian for a good while.

Quagmire: Okay. I'll tell ya. You are the worst person I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife; the man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing; you always say, "Ooh, I'll getcha later," but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it! I don't buy them a copy of The Catcher in The Rye and then lecture them with some 7th Grade interpretation of how Holden Caulfield is some profound intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much: he's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, I shoulda known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She woulda known there's no "A" in the word "definite!" And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda. How we should, "Legalize Pot, man." How big business is crushing the underclass. How homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America! Well what have you done to help?! I work down at the Soup Kitchen, Brian! Never seen you down there! You wanna help? Grab a ladle! And by the way: driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter, because, "Religion is for idiots." Well who the hell are you to talk down to anyone?! You failed college twice! Which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father. How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore! That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore! (Beat) Well, see ya Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak.

• • These on-the-nose jabs become even more interesting when you consider that Brian is often considered to be an Author Avatar for series creator Seth MacFarlane and Quagmire is also voiced by MacFarlane. So we have him giving a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to his own Author Avatar. Don't think about it too hard.
    • Ironically, Quagmire's been trying to hit on Lois himself. Though Quagmire's not completely dependent on Peter, unlike Brian.
  • Brian gives Connie D'Amico an awesome one in the episode "Barely Legal":

Connie D'Amico: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed here, so you're gonna have to leave, but Brian can stay. (She and another couple laugh) Brian: (slurring a bit) You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch. Connie D'Amico: Excuse me?! Meg: Brian, let's just go. Brian: No, no, no, no, no, hang on. Hang on, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were 12. But now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19 you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that, am I in the ballpark? Connie: [runs off in tears]

• • • We should note that Brian was drunk at the time.
  • Brian is on the receiving end on another one in "Brian Writes a Bestseller" where Bill Maher rips on him, especially after Brian craps all over his own book in a desperate attempt to impress him.

Arianna Huffington who's sitting to Brian's left on the panel: He's urinated on the chair. Maher: Bad dog! Get down!

• • One of the show's favorite cutaway gags is showing Stewie give some celebrity a "The Reason You Suck" Speech. There was a funny scene subverting the audience's expectation of the subject's reaction when Stewie attempted to tell Matthew McConaughey how much he sucked. McConaughey simply agreed with everything Stewie said, admitting that, yes, his movies sucked and yes, he was a bad actor.
  • In "Seahorse Seashell Party", Meg, the resident Butt Monkey of the show, calls Chris, Lois, and Peter out on their flaws, foibles, and abuse towards her.
  • "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven" features Meg, who recently became a fundamentalist, go up against atheist Brian. Brian finally blows up and delivers one to Meg after she takes him to a book burning (long story). While it's more of a "Reason God Does Not Exist Speech", he uses Meg to disprove God. Here it is...

"Ok, fine, the let me ask you this. If there were a God, would He have put you here on Earth with a flat chest and a fat ass?.. Would He give you a smoking Hot Mom like Lois and have you grow-up looking like Peter?..... And what kind of God would put you in a house where no one respects and cares about you, not even enough to give you a damn mumps shot?!"

• • • Meanwhile, in the same episode, Stewie gave one to THE ENTIRE CAST OF Star Trek the Next Generation, as they were so annoying to him during their trip around town (not knowing about McDonald's withdrawn products and the requirements to bowl the examples featured).

"This...was...exhausting. This whole experience, was absolutely...exhausting. You people have ruined "Star Trek: The Next Generation" for me. You are absolutely the most insufferable group of jackasses I have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with. I hope you all FUCKING DIE."

• • Family Guy LOVES this trope. A more depressing, plea-like one came from Quagmire to his sister, Brenda, in "Screams of Silence", during an intervention to get her away from her Bastard Boyfriend.

"The person I see before me right now is just a punching bag. And I call you "person," not "woman," because a woman is a strong, beautiful vibrant creature. Sadly, the fact that you are with Jeff proves to me that you have made a choice to make your life worse."

• • Yet ANOTHER One came from "Baby Not On Board", where Peter manages to completely mess up a vacation by not knowing about 9/11, jumping out of the car to watch a movie in another car, mocking Lois after she crashed due to said movie, and using the rest of their cash to buy..... shower curtain rings. After the latter, Lois finally blows up at him.

"You are unbelievable! The last four days have been a living hell! Our baby is at home all by himself yet instead of getting us home you've managed to make things worse at every turn! A monkey would be a refreshing step up from you! A monkey would talk less! Here's a little tip. If your instinct tells you to do something, don't do it. If your instinct tells you not to do something, it's probably the right thing to do!"

• One from Ned Flanders of The Simpsons, of all people, in the eighth season episode "Hurricane Neddy". After his life falls apart, he snaps and lets loose on the whole town.

Ned Flanders: Can't you morons do ANYTHING right?! (the crowd gasps) Marge Simpson: Ned, we meant well! And everyone here tried their best! Ned Flanders: Well I'm sorry, Marge, but my family and I can't live on good intentions, Marge! Ohhh, your family's out of control, but we can't blame you, because you have goooooood intentions! Bart Simpson: Hey, back off, man! Ned Flanders: Ohhh, okay duuuude, I wouldn't want you to have a cow maaaaan! Here's a catch phrase you better learn for your adult years; Hey buddy, GOT A QUARTER!? Bart Simpson: I am shocked and appalled. Lisa Simpson: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything. Ned Flanders: Do I hear the sound of butting in? It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson, Springfield's answer to the question NO ONE ASKED! Chief Wiggum: Ha! Ha-ha! Ned Flanders: Whadda we have here, the long flabby arm of the law? The last case you got to the bottom of was a case of Mallomars! Krusty the Clown: Mallomars, oho, that's going in the act. Ned Flanders: Oh yeah, the Clown, the only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh! And as for you, I don't know you but I'm sure you're a jerk! Lenny: Hey I've only been here a few minutes what's going on? Ned Flanders: You ugly, hate-filled man! Moe: Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I -- uh -- what was the third thing you said? Ned Flanders: Homer... you are the worst human being I have ever met. Homer Simpson: Hey, I got off pretty easy.

• • His sudden outburst must have come from his years-long suppressed anger at his parents for not raising him properly.
  • In the episode "Homer's Enemy" Homer gets a scathing one from Frank Grimes:

Frank: God, I've had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase, and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance? Homer: What? Frank: Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factory! Fancy clothes and (sniffs air) lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No! Homer:(gasps) What are you saying? Frank: I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. Heh, if you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago. Bart: He's got you there, dad. Frank: You're a fraud. A-- a total fraud. (walks out, pokes his head back round the doorway, and speaks to Marge and the kids) It was nice meeting you.

• • Marge give a very brief but effective one to Artie Ziff after he lets Homer go to jail for a crime he committed.

Marge: Do you know why no one likes you? Artie: Anti-semitism? Marge: No. Your problem is you never think of anyone besides yourself! Artie: Marge, I think about a lot more than just moi. (Imagine Spot of female Arties dancing the Can-Can while singing his name along with the music) Oh... my... god. She's right.

• • Stephen Hawking gives one to the Springfield members of Mensa in "They Saved Lisa's Brain", when they begin making outlandish proposals:

Professor Frink: You should all do what I say! My IQ is 199, for crying out glavin! (tries to lean against a pillar, but misses, hitting his head instead) 198, 197... Stephen Hawking: (offscreen) Big deal. My IQ is 280. (the crowd gasps when Stephen Hawking enters) Mensa Members: Stephen Hawking! Principal Skinner: The world's smartest man! Lisa: What are you doing here? Hawking: I wanted to see your utopia. But now, I see, it is more of a Fruitopia. Skinner: (chuckling) I'm sure what Dr. Hawking means is... Hawking: Silence. I don't need anyone to talk for me, except this voicebox. You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame. Homer: Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink! (the crowd cheers in agreement) Hawking: I don't know what is the bigger disappointment: my failure to formulate a unified field theory, or you. Skinner: I don't like your tone... Hawking: If you're looking for trouble, you've found it. Skinner: Just try me, you-Ow! (Hawking presses a button that deploys a punching glove hitting Skinner in the face)

• Batman the Brave And The Bold. In "Revenge of the Reach", the Blue Beetle's Scarab, the suit's sentient intelligence cohabiting with Jaime Reyes, turns back into its original programming by its alien kind, The Reach, to invade The Green Lantern Corps. It takes complete control of the suit and takes over Jaime's mind for a while, before he asserts his willpower over the suit. The Scarab tries to deter Jaime's progress by telling him he was only a hero because the Reach made him so, and cannot overcome the power of the Reach.
• Goes hand in hand with Calling the Old Man Out in Avatar: The Last Airbender, when Zuko unloads on Fire Lord Ozai for all the crap he put him through in his young life. As the Motivational Poster on that page summarizes, 1) You suck and are a monster, 2) Iroh is better than you, and 3) I'm joining the Avatar. Suck on that, old man!
  • Ozai does not take kindly to this, of course.
    • And this gives him a reason to kill Zuko, which he's been wanting to do for years, anyway.
  • Back in the Season 2 finale, Azula gives one to Long Feng, which breaks his spirit completely.
    • Which is more than what he deserves.
  • Zuko give an excellent one to the so called soldiers in "Zuko Alone" as well, greatly enhanced by his flat aspect during it. He's not angry at them, per se, just letting them know what disgusting little vermin they are before he squashes them.
    • It's part of what makes the aftermath of that fight so heartbreaking and poignant.
  • In the season two finale of Avatar: The Last Airbender, Katara delivers as rather brutal one to Zuko, who is somehow about to take this abuse in stride.

Katara: Why did they throw you in here? Oh wait. Let me guess. It's a trap. So when Aang shows up to rescue me, you can finally have him in your little Fire Nation clutches. You're a terrible person, you know that? Always following us, hunting the Avatar, trying to capture the world's last hope for peace! But what do you care? You're the Fire Lord's son. Spreading war and violence and hatred is in your blood.

• • Katara gives one to the man who killed her mother.

Katara: I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing. But now that I see you, I think I understand. There’s just nothing inside you. Nothing at all. You’re pathetic and sad and empty."

• In The Legend of Korra "And the Winner Is...", Amon gives a very potent one to benders during his terrorist attack on the pro-bending arena. What made it effective was that he waited until he saw some benders that others looked up to blatantly doing a wrong action, using it to launch his revolution, and gain more followers as well. All according to plan.

Amon: "I believe I have your attention, benders of Republic City. So once again, the Wolfbats are your Pro-Bending Champions. It seems fitting that you celebrate three bullies who cheated their way to victory, because every day you threaten and abuse your fellow non-bending citizens just like the Wolfbats did to their opponents tonight. Those men were supposedly the best in the bending world, and yet it only took a few moments for me to cleanse them of their impurity. Let this be a warning to all of you benders out there: if any of you stand in my way, you will meet the same fate."

• In the Static Shock episode, "Sins of the Fathers", Mr. Hawkins gives one to Mr. Foley in which he calls him out on his racism which caused his son, Richie to run away from home.
  • In the final episode, all of the "bang babies" started losing their powers, when a cure has been released. Ebon was able to obtain the last of the Q-Juice gas and plans on making a new meta-gang. The now normal Teresa (Talon) calls on Ebon saying he was afraid that he was nothing before the Big Bang, and he will be nothing when his powers are gone.
• Teen Titans: Robin gives Cyborg a scathing one in the beginning of the episode "Titans East Part 2":

Cyborg: "Man, this is supposed to be a good thing! My own Tower! My own team! Why can't you just be happy for me?!" Robin: "Because you're already on a team! My team! And you can't just quit!" Cyborg: "I can, and I did! Which means I don't have to put up with you telling me what to do anymore!" Robin: "So now this is my fault?" Cyborg: "It's not about you!" Robin: "No! It's all about you! Because that's all you care about! You talk about being a man, but if you can turn your back on us after everything we've been through, you're nothing but a spoiled child!" Cyborg: "I'm. Staying. I don't care what you say, I don't care what you do. And right now, I don't care if I ever see you again!"

• The Fairly Odd Parents with the Wonderful Life subversion episode, "It's A Wishful Life", in which Jorgen Von Strangle tells Timmy very gloatingly that he's responsible for nearly every bad thing in the world from the Chicago Cubs losing streak to his friend Chester having bad teeth. Timmy then willingly offers to disappear from existence to make life better for his friends and family. The love that Timmy had for the people in his life made Jorgen the one who looked like a Jerkass and the conclusion you came to was that it was Jorgen who really sucked. As for it being an aesop about not doing things for praise, Jorgen Von Strangle is the last person to preach that; just check out the episode "Fairly Oddlympics" especially the clink, clink, clink part.
• South Park: The episode "Tsst" has Cartman give an absolutely brutal version of this to one of the nannies.

Cartman: "Well, I'm feeling confused, because I don't understand why you became a nanny." Stella (the nanny): "Me? Well, it's because I love children, like you." Cartman: "Right, but... if you love children so much, how come you're not a mommy?" Stella: "Oh, I just never had kids." Cartman: "Why not?" Stella: "It... just...didn't happen." Cartman: "You're sterile, is that it? (she releases him, taken aback by that question) No, that's too convenient of an excuse. The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you. Isn't that it? (her jaw drops) Always the mom's maid and never the mom? Must be hard on you, knowing that the years are ticking away, your friends all getting married and all the while your uterus is slowly shriveling away, drying up, becoming totally worthless." Stella: "Why you, you... (stands up) you little bastard! How dare you?!" Liane (Cartman's mom): "Eric, naughty." Stella: "What kind of (picks him up by the collar) monster would-" Cartman: "Yes, let the anger come! Strike me down while you can! But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!"

• • Another great one that turns what appears to be a message of bigotry in to one of tolerance-- One episode is almost entirely spent deconstructing the beliefs of Mormons, and Stan angrily makes his dislike for Mormonism known to a Mormon family who invited the Marshes over for dinner, and it appears for a moment that he's being portrayed as a hero. The next day, he is confronted by the boy who invited them over.

Gary: Maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don’t care if Joseph Smith made it all up, because what the Church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that’s stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls. (Gary walks off. All four boys just look at him in wonder.) Cartman: Damn, that kid is cool, huh?

• • Mr. Garrison gives a good one to Rosie O'Donnell (though it could be targeted at any Hollywood celebrity involved in politics) during the Kindergarten class presidential elections:

Mr. Garrison: Half the kids in the class didn't vote for your nephew. So what about them? You don't give a crap about them because they're not on your side! People like you preach tolerance and open-mindedness all the time but when it comes to Middle America, you think we're all evil and stupid country yokels who need your political enlightenment! Well just because you're on TV, doesn't mean you know crap about the government! Now get your ass back on first class and respect this class's right to make up their own minds!!!

• • Stan gave one to Al Gore after the end of "ManBearPig" when he and his friends narrowly escaped a cave in that was soon flooded (All caused by Gore himself), which Gore tried to take the credit for saving them. But Stan will not have any of it:

Stan: Stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends! But now I see why you don't have any friends! You just used ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a loser!!

• • • Of course, Al Gore misses the point entirely and still sees himself as a hero.
  • Butters gives one to his parents (on their anniversary!) in "Butters' Very Own Episode" after he's nearly been killed by his mother and to stop their fighting:

Butters: Now gosh darn it, you! [steps in between his parents] You listen here! Now I am sick of these harmless lies and l-little white lies. You know, you can call a shovel an ice-cream machine, but it's still a shovel, Mom and Dad. Ah, and you can call a lie whatever you want, but it's still a no-good stinkin' lie! And when you start coverin' up one lie with another why, now that's when you get into real trouble! [Chris and Linda listen] Boy I've, I've just about had it up to here [puts his right hand to his chin, palm down] with you two!

• Butters' speech to his bullying grandmother in "Butterballs" is an epic one and possibly his ultimate CMOA.

Butters: "Grandma? I did it grandma, I finally stood up for myself, I got real mean and I beat the snot out of Dr. Oz. I can't lie, it felt kind of good at first, but since then all I have is this kind of dark empty feeling, and then I realized, that's how you must feel, all the time. Poor old grandma, you know, I've been getting lots of advice on how to deal with you, stand up to you, tell on you, but I kind of realize that there's just people like you out there, all over the place. When you're a kid, things seem like they're going to last forever, but they're not, life changes. You won't always be around, someday you're going to die, someday pretty soon, and when you're laying in that hospital bed, with tubes up your nose, and that little pan under your butt to pee in, I'll come visit you. I'll come just to show you that I'm still alive and I'm still happy, and you'll die, being nothing but you... Night grandma!

• • There's one Reason You Suck Speech that tops that one, though - Butters' lambasting of the counselors at the "Pray The Gay Away" camp.

Butters: All right, that does it! I am sick and tired of everyone telling me I'm confused! I wasn't confused until other people started tellin' me I was! You know what I think? I think maybe you are the ones who are confused!... I'm not gonna be confused anymore just because you say I should be! My name is Butters, I'm eight years old, I'm blood type O, and I'm bi-curious! And even that's okay! Because if I'm bi-curious, and I'm somehow made from God, then I think your God must be a little bi-curious himself!

• Who can forget Martin Luther King's remake of his famous "I have a dream" speech into a damn epic Reason all of you suck speech from The Boondocks?

Martin Luther King: Will you ignorant niggas PLEASE shut the hell up? Is this it? This is what I got all those ass-whuppins for? I had a dream, once. It was a dream that little black boys and little black girls would drink from the river of prosperity, freed from the thirst of oppression! But lo and behold some four decades later, what have I found but a bunch of trifilin', shiftless, good-for-nothing niggas? And I know some of you don't want to hear me say that word. It's the ugliest word in the English language. But that's what I see now: niggas. And you don't want to be a nigga, 'cause niggas are living contradictions! Niggas are full of unfulfilled ambitions! Niggas wax and wane, niggas love to complain, niggas love to hear themselves talk but hate to explain! Niggas love being another man's judge and jury, niggas procrastinate until it's time to worry, niggas love to be late, niggas hate to hurry! I've seen what's around the corner, I've seen what's over the horizon, and I PROMISE you, you niggas have nothing to celebrate! I know I won't get there with you, I'm going to Canada.

• • "Epic"? This episode won a Peabody award, largely on the strength of this speech.
• Codename: Kids Next Door: The Delightful Children were fond of giving these to Sector V, especially to Numbuh 1.
  • In Operation: G.R.O.W.-U.P. Numbuh 5 gives one to a grown-up Numbuh 1:

Numbuh 5: "You know, you used to be cool because the team meant more to you than anything. Including yourself. But now you're just a selfish old crank. It's not your age that's changed Mr. Uno, it's you!"

• Chaz Finster, father of Rugrats character Chuckie Finster, delivers one to the parents of Tommy Pickles and Phil and Lil DeVille in the episode "Family Feud" when the parents continue their petty feud even after they realize their children have run away (mostly because of said feud).
• After being stuck in a Groundhog Day Loop, Pepper Ann blows up and lets lose at her Mom, friends, and everyone else by pointing out their faults, by the next day the loop is over and no one is happy with her words about them leading into another loop.
• Ben 10 gives one to Kevin during their second showdown, when he asks if Ben is going to try to help him. Ben replies by telling him he's through trying to help him because Kevin can't seem to take help when its offered. After beating him, Ben finishes it by answering Kevin's attempt to continue the fight by telling him he's not worth finishing off. Backfires, but still, he makes extremely good points.
• In X-Men, Psylocke gives a very good reasoning with Archangel.

Psylocke: Worthington, what do you care about your fellow mutants? You used your wealth to deny your mutant heritage, you had a scientist try to cure you, and you waste your life trying to hunt a creature who can never die, you brood over your own troubles when you can be using your wealth and power for so much more, it’s for my brother who fights for the good of mutants, all mutants.

• In All Dogs Go to Heaven: A Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Present (Sasha) gives Carface one over his stealing the money a sick puppy needed for an operation to save his life. Christmas Yet to Come (Charlie) gives him one of these in musical form with "Clean Up Your Act", along with telling him what he can do to change that.
• In the season finale of My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic "The Best Night Ever", Rarity is excited to finally have a chance to meet her Prince Charming. When he turns out to be a Prince Charmless she is disappointed but keeps hoping he'll prove to be chivalrous. When he uses her as a Pony Shield against falling cake, she snaps and tells him off.

"You, sir, are the most uncharming prince I have ever met! In fact, the only thing royal about you is that you are a royal PAIN!"

• • Discord tries one on Fluttershy. It fails so badly he just cuts straight to brute-force brainwashing and stalks off in a huff.
  • Fluttershy gives a horrible one to Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Yes, you heard me. Cute, innocent, shy Fluttershy gives one once she got into assertive mode.

Fluttershy: Things getting too complicated for your simple little brain, Pinkie Pie? Rarity: (catching the stunned Pinkie) Now stop right there! Let's not let things descend into petty insults. Fluttershy: Why not? I thought petty was what you're all about, Rarity. What with your petty concerns about fashion. Rarity: (gasps, eyes began to water and she turns away) Pinkie Pie: Hey! You leave her alone! Fashion is her passion! Fluttershy: Oh and what are you passionate about? Birthday cake? Party hats? (Pinkie's ears droop and her eyes quivering) I can't believe the two most frivolous ponies in Ponyville are trying to tell New Fluttershy how to live her life (cut to Pinkie Pie and Rarity about to cry), when they are throwing their lives away on pointless pursuits that no-pony else gives a flying feather about! Pinkie Pie: (About to cry) Looks like nasty Fluttershy is here to stay!

• • The Cutie Mark Crusaders got one for publishing embarrassing stories about others...from Big Macintosh of all the characters!

Big Macintosh: You should be ashamed of yourself, humiliatin' your sister 'n' me like that. We don't wanna talk to any y'all right now so take your little gossip column and your embarrassing photographs and just go away!

• In the Invader Zim episode "GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff", GIR gets locked into "duty mode" and becomes scarily competent, to the point that he sees his bungling boss Zim as an impediment to their invasion plans, and chews him out for it:

GIR: You are no leader, you are a threat to the mission! Your methods are stupid! Your progress has been stupid! Your intelligence is stupid! For the sake of the mission, you must be terminated!

• In the ThunderCats (2011) episode "Old Friends", Panthro confronts his Evil Former Friend Grune and points out that all of Grune's scheming, betraying his people, and becoming The Dragon to Big Bad Mumm-Ra has gotten Grune no closer to his original goal, to be The Usurper of his kingdom, which Mumm-Ra has actually brought to ruin.
• Stan lays into Roger on American Dad:

Stan: You're nothing but a worthless sack of fatass! Roger: (gasps in horror) Stan: You're lazy, you're a chubbo, you lie, you cheat, you eat all our food, you're a drunk, you never wash your wigs, but you strut around like you're Mary Queen of Scots, Brangelina, and Jesus all rolled into one. Well, you're not! You're a big fat nothing!

• Atomic Betty has one, sorta. Though not quite a speech, but Maximus and Max Sr. both give out their reasons on why they don't want Max Sr. Sr., after he is snatched by them, to continue running things and why they don't want him around for too long.
• In Sushi Pack, Tako spends the majority of "But is it Art?" trying to find The Collector, the villain who stole all the masterpieces from the art museum simply to find out why his own art wasn't stolen. When The Collector has the Pack on the ropes, Tako still demands to know why, and The Collector lets him know in no uncertain terms:

"Those paint smears of yours? You call that art? You're not an artist. You're an untalented piece of stale fish."

• In Adventure Time, Finn delivers one to a tree witch:

Finn: If there's anything I've learned today, it's that I am awesome at talking to ladies. And lady, you are CRAZY UGLY! Having beautiful hair isn't gonna get you anywhere because you're ugly inside and out. So ugly, I want to throw up. No one will ever find you beautiful. EVEEERRR. And it has nothing to do with the old chrome-dome. (touches his heart) It has to do with what's in here.

• Benson from Regular Show delivers a particularly nasty one to Mordecai and Rigby in "Think Positive": After trying all day to suppress his anger and not yell at them on Pops' orders, his bottled-up anger causes him to turn into a white-hot ball of fire. Once Pops gives Benson permission to yell at Mordecai and Rigby, Benson releases all his pent-up aggression the form of screaming blast of fire:

Benson: AAAAAGH! You lazy, no-good slackers drive me NUTS! Can't you just listen to me ONCE in your worthless lives? Because if you DID, you'd know I'm trying to teach you some simple responsibility, some PRIDE in doing a job well-done! But you wouldn't KNOW a job well-done even if you paid someone to do it for you! But even then you'd screw it all up on the account that you can't even follow the simplest of instructions, worrying more about "looking cool" than doing your JOBS!

• In an episode of Transformers Prime, while under the influence of a Psycho Serum, Ratchet fires one towards Optimus. He mocks Optimus for being soft for losing Cliffjumper and for passing so many chances to get rid of Megatron once and for all. While Ratchet's judgement was impaired, it's implied he was saying what he would have normally held back.

Ratchet: "You know your problem, Optimus? For such a big, strong bot, you're soft. You didn't pound Megatron into scrap when you had the chance! Many chances, in fact!"

• In the My Life as a Teenage Robot episode "Dressed to Kill", Brit gives a brief one to her designer Jean Phillipe and uses her newfound powers from her crystal gown to give him a clashing wardrobe when he demanded that her and Tiff return their gowns. Jean Phillipe runs off crying.

Brit: Your gowns?! These designs were our idea and without us, you're nothing! Your designs are derivative, your stitches are shoddy, and you're probably...color blind!

• Helga from Hey Arnold delivers one to her mom in the episode, Road Trip.

Helga: Well you've done a great job so far Miriam, you lost the map, you ran us off the road, you left your purse on top of the car again and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere. I'm nine years mom you're the parent, you're supposed to take care of me but you couldn't even do that. Face it Miriam you're a lousy mom.

• • She also delivers an even more scathing one to Harold in Buses, Bikes and Subways.

Helga: Everything that happened today is your fault! You can't do ANYTHING right. Take the bus for example, why do you think we missed it, Harold? Oh let's see hmm maybe was it because you were too busy eating twice your body weight in chocolate num nums! Oh how about this one? Lets take the subway I think it goes to Lincoln. Oh wait, no it does'nt, it goes straight to the bowels of the underworld, population: homicidal, toothless midget clowns! I know, lets steal their bike they wont mind. Now you'd think that would be enough to fill any moron's day, but you're not just any moron are you Harold? You're the KING, you're day's just getting started. So because of your AMAZING curiosity about the world around us YOU PULLED THE PLUG OUT OF THE BOTTOM OF OUR GETAWAY BOAT! (sighs) You idiot...

• James Rhodes gives one to Hawkeye in the Iron Man episode "The Defection of Hawkeye".